LearnJazzPiano.com archives: Horse

7 -- 03/05/2004, 21:19:09 -- #2159

Dear Auntie, Last night I was like totally jamming out on this incredible groove. It was like the best thing that ever happened in my life. But then today, when I went to get into it again I couldn't even remember it! I wish I had recorded it. What should I do? A Horse with No Name

7 -- 03/05/2004, 21:19:39 -- #2160

Dearest No Name, Playing "in the zone" or being in an alpha state is one of the reasons that many people become musicians - to get that feeling that you are somehow connected to a cosmic force. Your euphoria of last night, however, had NOTHING to do with a higher level of consciousness. You were so zonked that a chimp banging on a garbage can would've sounded like genius to you. What you were playing was total crap and we're lucky that you didn't record it, otherwise you probably would have uploaded some lame midi file of it that would bore the living snot out of us and totally waste three and a half minutes of our precious time. The reason your memory is failing is also due to your substance abuse problem. Quick! What did you have for breakfast? Caught you didn't I? The first step in your rehabilitation program is the easiest, you must simply admit that you have a burden that you wish you didn't. Auntie has had great success helping people all over the world overcome their drug addictions, whether physical of psychological, Here is Auntie's 7-step program for substance abuse rehabilitation. Listen carefully now to me, and do exactly as I say. 1. Gather all of your recreational intoxicants together in one place. Take a judicious amount of each, then follow that with at least two shots of your choice of hard alcohol. 2. Grab a beer and chill for 'about fifteen minutes' before proceeding to Step 3. Step 3. Get an airtight waterproof container and line it with tin foil (wards off the evil eye). Put ALL your drugs in there. Seal it on all sides with tape. 4. Line the bottom of a cardboard box with charcoal, then place the sealed  container in the center - packing it tightly with more charcoal. 5. Seal and cover the box in brown paper then tie it securely with organic twine. 6. Wave a salad fork over the box while chanting "echo echo echo echo echo echo echo" like a seal (a dinner fork will do as well). 7. Go to the post office and mail the box to Auntie. I'll take it from there. Within 'about fifteen minutes' of receiving your package, Auntie will begin the purification rites,  chanting and praying for your lost soul while dancing in a naked frenzy around the firelight. A-boom-ba Boom-Ba BOOM-Ba!!! Auntie Rx: Should symptomatic cravings recur, repeat steps 1 thru 7 above as necessary.

Dr. Whack -- 03/07/2004, 09:24:13 -- #2181

Dear Auntie, Thanks for the latitude on which fork to use.  I seems to be common problem for jazz musicians to distiguish between the salad and dinner fork.  I can now breathe a sigh if relief knowing that I'm not the only one, and in the log run it doesn't really matter (at least as far as your 7-step recommendation is concerned) I wonder if you've ever stumbled upon any info regarding Charlie Parker's fork wisdom?  Is there perhaps a correlation between this and his abilty to play in the zone?

7 -- 03/07/2004, 20:48:02 -- #2192

Dearest (why the hell didn't you sign your letter you lazy bum?), Many of the fingerings in the altissimo register of the saxophone are in fact called "fork fingerings". These generally involve insane contotions of the digits to achieve notes that are way higher than nature ever intended. It's common knowledge that Bird never played higher than an F#. So he was spared of the fork dilemma altogether. Did this help his ability to play in the zone? Does your ability to drive help your tennis game? Auntie

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